10 Of The Best Funny Quotes

by sozos on July 12, 2012

1. 

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” – Brian
Gerald O’Driscoll

Knowledge is knowing a tomato - Brian Gerald o'Droscoll - Funny Quote

2. 

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

3.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the
hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

4.

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work
twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

5.

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and
asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

6.

“Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make
him a sandwich.” – Unknown

7.

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer
is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the
three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.” – Chris Rock

8.

“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him,
‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” – Claude Pepper

9.

”It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and
everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone
joins in.” – Tommy Cooper

10.

“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and
never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” – George Jessel

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